Brandon Mallas
Brandon Mallas is Unknown Indy-Jobber and know as one of the worst workers ever. Brandon is a no-talent piece of shit Early Life Very little is known about Brandon's early life. Some cIaim he was born in a Toilet in a Texas Roadhouse this claim cannot be subtaniated. Others have claimed he was born in a toilet in a Pizza Hut in Detroit. People have said his mother just shat him out in the middle of an Arby's proving he was a jobber at birth. Brandon has claimed that Czech pornstar Sylvia Saint is his mother nobody believes it. Be that as it may Brandon was homeless for first fives years of his life growing up in homeless shelters across the country. Early Wrestling Career Brandon started wrestling auspiously if you call what he did wrestling. Brandon met a shifty fellow named Emilio Cortez. Cortez ran the tiltawhirl at the local carnival and one day said to Brandon "I need a another man for my wrestling show tonight you interested?" Brandon replied with confusion "yeah". There began Brandon's jobbing career he made seven dollars in change that night(he was payed in pennies). The organization he worked for if you want to call it that was called Cortez Wrestling Association or CWA for short. During this time Brandon jobbed nightly. He jobbed to Midgets, Vagrants, One eyed people, One legged people, One armed people and assortment of other people. Brandon left here when Cortez was caught for drug trafficing. Independents, TNA Impact Wrestling For several unaventful years Brandon jobbed in the Independents and saw him put on some worst wrestling matches in recorded history. Some how he made his way to TNA and seen by Vince Russo who then conceived a storyline in where brandon would win the TNA Heavy weight title in a simliar storyline which would of seen Tank Abbott win the WCW Title. Needless to say Dixie Carter put the kibosh on this and demoted Vince Russo to assistant janitor. Brandon Has claimed he would of won it in a Ultimate Swerves match and would of won it after 20 near falls this can't be substaniated at this time. WWE and Beyond After jobbing for a quarter of a month on Impact Wrestling Brandon was promply shown the door. Brandon then tried to get a job in WWE as part of their developmental and was told he didn't meet the Intellegence requirements and ate a pedegree on his way out the door. Brandon has since returned to the Independents and continues his no win streak. The Known facts about Brandon *Has no ability or talent or skill *Will job for food, hand Jobs, Blows Jobs, Cigarettes, Candy, Beer and Mountain Dew *In the Guinness Book of World Records of Rapes holds the record for most attempted rapes *Once Jobbed 40 times in one night *Coudn't headline a Super Market or a Flea Market *Couldn't beat a drum *Is a Virgin(despite his claims of not being one) *Will job to anyone anywhere *Lives in a cardboard box *Doesn't know the difference between a wristlock from a hand Job *Jim Cornette literally slapped the shit out of him Aliases of Brandon Through his jobbing career Brandon used several aliases they are as follows *Brandon St. Randy *Brandon Daytona *"Malicious" Brandon Malice *Kama The Extreme Jobbing Machine *Just Brandon *Larry Cox *Karl Marks *Brundon Mallass *Dick Vane *Don Mallas *Dick Bagg Category:People who live in different dimensions Category:NO BUYS Category:Nazis Category:No Buys~! Category:Never drew a dime Category:Living People Category:American professional wrestlers Category:Living people Category:People who SUCK Category:People who Wikipedia has deemed to be "Non-Notable" Category:People who aren't the toughest piece of work in wrestling today Category:Disgusting HGH taking freaks Category:People who look kinda good under certain conditions and the right lighting sometimes Category:Douche Category:People Who are Actually Worse Than Josh Matthews Category:Mentally Challenged Category:Doesn't have 'IT' Category:People who aren't the next big thing Brandon Mallas Category:Worse Than Stacy Keibler Category:Unclipped Dicks